VICTORIAHASNOSECRET

I was talking to the homie earlier when I mentioned I needed to go to Walmart.

“For what? Draino?”

Now, he was joking, but you know what… that’s exactly what I was going to get. It really doesn’t make sense the amount of Draino I’ve used this past year having to constantly unclog my drain with all the hair that falls out of my head. Like, really? Why am I not bald. I mean, I’m not complaining. It just baffles me, because not to sound conceited, but I got me a pretty nice head of hair.

And really, I’m greatful, cause the comb-over didn’t work on my 7th grade history teacher, so I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t work on me either. Although, a few years ago, I did have the bright idea of shaving my head and buying beaucoup wigs so I wouldn’t have to worry about doing my hair anymore. Don’t worry, I didn’t follow through. The thought of waking up in the morning next to the boo and having him discover a bald chick didn’t quite appeal to me. I mean, come on Kanye, don’t you think Amber would look much better with some hair on her head.

Don’t ask me what the point of this entry was. I think lack of sleep has finally caught up with me.

I went to the doctor yesterday for what I thought was foot cancer¹ (yeah… I know, the doc looked at me kinda sideways too) but turned out to be an extremely infected spider bite which he decided he wanted to cut open – guess I shouldn’t have waited 2 weeks to go get it checked out.

My response:

“Ummm…. I would prefer if you didn’t slice my foot open, young, sexy, Venezuelan doctor², but do what you got to do.”

So, now I’m walking around with my foot bandaged up, unable to put on a decent pair of shoes & it is killing me. I’m sorry, but I am just not a sandal kinda girl. Still, I guess it’s better than having my whole foot fall off. That would really suck.

1. Not the first time I thought I had cancer. When I was about 15 I found a lump in my armpit… turns out it wasn’t armpit cancer, just a bad reaction to the Dove deodorant I was using. Oh, and those lumps I felt in my neck last year, not neck cancer. Just some swollen lymphnodes. I tend to get a lot of weird looks from doctors.

2. Okay, so the young, sexy, Venezuelan part I didn’t actually say out loud, but I should’ve.

Taking a nice, hot, relaxing bath while reading my newest Jen Lancaster book…

The best.

Running out of hot water midway through my post bath shower while I still have conditioner in my hair…

Not so much.

Remembering that I have no towels to dry off with because they’re all in the dryer…

Can it get any worse?

Running buck naked and dripping wet through the house to the laundry room only to realize that I forgot to turn the dryer on…

Yep.

Yes people. This is my life.