VICTORIAHASNOSECRET

So earlier today I posted the following on twitter:

@vickysecret Just cause someone treats you like a priority, doesn’t mean that you’re not quietly just an option. (my words of wisdom for the day)

Now, I was having dinner with a girlfriend the other day and we were talking about her now defunct relationship and how the guy was such a “great” boyfriend. Always surprising her with gifts, trips, paying her so much attention, etc, etc. So, she couldn’t understand when she found out that he had  cheated and had been cheating on her what had happened. I couldn’t help but tell her that he was probably doing all those “great” things to make up for all the bullshit that he was doing on the sly. Yeah, they were together for years, and I mean years, but she was still just an option to him. And he clearly was opting to go elsewhere from time to time. It’s sad, but apparently in this world we live in, this is how a lot of people are thinking. And, I’m not singling out the men, this is the women too.

It’s human nature to try and make up for any pain you may or might cause someone. Shoot, when I was younger, every time Flip would give me a stern talking to, I could pretty much guarentee that he was going to come back shortly with a present, or some ice cream, or some kinda joke to try and make up for it. Even though, I’m pretty sure whatever he was getting on me about was my fault. Like I said… human nature.

Now, I’m not trying to be a cynic, not at all… I’m definitely not saying that just because your boo surprises you with a present or is paying extra attention to you that they’re out they’re slutting it up behind your back. Cause that’s not always the case. There are definitely still a lot of good people out there.

You ever been in a relationship where your significant other was whoring around, and you could see all the signs, but you didn’t really want to admit it until you saw it with your own eyes?

Well… that feeling… the feeling of knowing, but not really knowing… I’ve lived with something similar to that for the last 15 years.

I never really knew my Grandpa. I think I have one picture of him and I together from when I was just a baby, but it never bothered me that I didn’t know him. I was used to being away from family seeing as I lived overseas until I was 18. He passed back in 1994 but it wasn’t until I was an adult that I started to learn a little more about him. He was a frivolous with his money, loved to drink, loved to smoke and apparently loved the ladies. And I knew all of this. But I didn’t really know until last night, when I got a call from my Dad. He shared some stories, forwarded me some emails and some pictures, and I was able to really get a feel for this man, my father’s father. And no, my Dad didn’t feel like just sharing some stories just for the heck of it, he was actually contacted by a woman claiming to be his sister. Turns out the claims are true, and he wanted me to know that I have another aunt…

Now, I don’t have any hate towards my Grandfather… not at all. I’m saddened at the situation because I don’t like the choices he made. I really don’t like that he disregarded my Grandmother’s feelings so much and left her with nothing when he died. He promised to make sure that she was taken care of, but because of the choices he made, she was left with nothing. No job, no education, no money. And because she was such a proud woman and didn’t want to burden  anyone, she felt the only thing she could do was take her life. Which she did. And I think that’s what hurts me the most. Actually I know that’s what hurt me the most.

I was only 11 when she passed, just a few months after my Grandfather did. And back then I remember being angry. Angry because she didn’t have to die, it was a choice she made. And I felt that she made it without thinking of how it would affect everyone else. And I was jealous.  I was jealous of my cousins for being able to spend so much time with her, time that I couldn’t spend with her because I lived in Germany. I eventually got over myself and just became sad, and I still get sad to this day whenever I think about her.

To be honest, I’m not even really sure what I’m trying to say here. I guess just trying to clear my head. But I’m glad that this all came to light, and glad that now I really know…