VICTORIAHASNOSECRET

Stalk me on tumblr.

If you know me, or follow me on twitter, then you know I like to frequent the bar. But that’s neither here nor there. The bar is merely the setting for quite possibly the most annoying conversation I’ve ever had regarding my tattoos. And let me preface this by saying that I am not opposed to explaining my ink to those who are in fact curious about them, but if you see I’m busy having an intense conversation with someone else, then that’s probably (and when I say probably, I mean it’s not) the right time to ask me a million and four questions about my ink. And so the story begins… One night, I’m at the bar with my homegirl. I forget exactly what we were talking about, but I do remember it being a pretty in depth conversation. Next thing I know, I’m getting tapped on the shoulder…

him: *tap tap tap* I like your tattoos.
me: *turns around* Thanks. *turns back around*
him: *tap tap tap* So… how many do you have?
me: *turns around* A lot. *turns back around*
him: *tap tap tap* What do they mean?
me: *turns around* They don’t mean anything. *turns back around*
him: *tap tap tap* So… if they dont mean anything, why did you get them?
me: *turns around* I don’t know. I just did. *turns back around*
him: *tap tap tap* Well, that’s not a very good reason.
me: *turns around* I know. *turns back around*

Now, it may not read very well, but if you couldn’t tell, I was pretty irritated after the second *tap tap tap* so all my answers thereafter were, of course, replies of sarcasm. I don’t know if he could tell… although probably not, seeing as the *tap tap tap*’s kept coming, but ladies and gentleman, take heed, if someone’s answers to your questions are short and then they actually turn their back on you, they’re probably (and when I say probably, they’re not) interested in talking to you.

Sharing is caring. I got y’all back.

I get asked stupid questions on the daily. I could easily give you a good 30 just from my coworker who I so lovingly like to call Dum Dum. She don’t know I call her that, but I do, and for good reason. BUT, this isn’t that kinda blog. Therefore, I’m going to go over my top 5 most hated dumb ass question. Ready?

1. “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

This is probably my number one most annoying question. For one, do you want me to have one? Cause if I did, I wouldn’t be talking to you. And really, what are you expecting me to say? You want me to tell you I’m crazy? My pussy stink? I get crazy jealous? Why can’t I just be a nice, normal girl who happens to be single and content?

My answer: “I just don’t.”

2. “What do you like to for fun?”

This may seem like a normal question, but it’s one of those questions that have infinite answers. You really want me to rattle off everything that I do for fun? Cause, I’m not. Even when I try to answer with a short simple question, I always get slapped with stupid question 2a. “That’s it?” and 2b. “What else?”.

My answer: “Lay around and be lazy.”

3. “You have any other pretty friends that look like you?”

Now in all honesty, ALL my friends are beautiful, but NONE of them look like me. But even if they did, you’re still not going to meet them. What I look like going back to one of my homegirls talking about “Hey, this guy wants to meet you, he doesn’t know anything about you, except that you look like me.” BOY, STOP.

My answer: “Naw, all my friends are ugly.”

4. “So, are you going to call me?”

Now, this question is really only stupid, if I’ve already told you that I’m not. I have on more than one occasion taken a number, but only after I prefaced it with “I’ll take your number, but I’m not going to call”. And that only comes after the whole “Can I get your number?” “No.” “Well, how about you take mine?” shuffle. You would think that after all of that a guy wouldn’t want to give you their number anymore, but NAW, they still do. And right as you’re walking away, they hit you with the “So, are you going to call me?”

My answer: No words. I just turn, smile and continue to walk away.

5. “So, you don’t have ANY black in you?”

If I just explained to you that I’m half Korean and half white, why would you even ask this? You think I forgot what I’m mixed with?

My answer: o_O

It’s been brought to my attention that I write about relationships alot, despite the fact that it’s been many years since I’ve actually been in one. To that, I say “so what.”

Just cause I’m not in one, doesn’t mean I don’t know anything about them, or that I don’t know how I like to be treated when in one or when being courted. And really, everything I write here is from my own point of view. I don’t speak for every women (or even man, whatever) and don’t claim to. Some people agree with me and the others… well, they’re just stupid (that was a joke, laugh).

But surprisingly, I do know a little something. Which brings me to a related topic. Single people are not the devil. It really is okay to ask us for advice and use it. I’ve read more than once that you shouldn’t take relationship advice from a single person. And quite frankly, that’s some bull. Just cause we don’t have a significant other, doesn’t mean we don’t have brains. When you come up to me every other day complaining about how your baby daddy done went and knocked another girl up, doesn’t give you money for your own kid and pretty much treats you like crap, well me telling you to leave him, is pretty genius advice. Yep. AND, if you don’t like the advice someone gives you, then all you have to do is say “thanks, but I think I’ll handle this on my own.” It’s really just that simple.

For the sake of diversity tho, I’ll try to branch out and write on something different next go round. Shoes, perhaps. You can’t go wrong with shoes.

ps. The title quote is via Bill Cosby. I knew I liked that man for a reason.

Now don’t get me wrong. I live for technology. LIVE FOR IT. But sometimes it makes it way to easy to get comfortable with someone , and not in snuggie sense of the word.

I don’t even think some people know how to use the phone anymore. It ’s all texting and twitter nowadays (and before that facebook, and before that myspace). Neither of which I’m against. But twitter does not a date make.

There’s an episode of Samantha Who? (yeah, I hadn’t heard of the show either, it only lasted 2 seasons anyway) where Andrea is so comfortable with her “text message dates” with her boo, that she doesn’t want to go on an actual date with him for fear that that she might say something stupid. Text messaging gives her the option to plan her words out, spell check, erase… that the thought of actually speaking to dude scared her.

Is that the mentality of today? We feel so protected by our technological shield that we’re afraid to come out from behind it?

I know I’m much more in favor of a conversation where both parties actually have to use their voices. And anyone who wants to get near these cookies, better get with it too.

Now twit that. And remember kids, sharing is caring.

Now before I start, let me preface this by saying, that I, myself,  have been guilty of what I like to call the ‘push back’. You know, when the person you’ve been seeing starts getting a little too relationship-y, therefore causing you to push back and say “Hey, hold up, I ain’t ready for allathat” or in most cases, not saying anything at all and just acting distant like a sonofamother.

Yeah, you’ve done it too. Stop lying.

But let me tell you, some of y’all, be pushing back over the dumbest things. I once had a dude start acting funny cause I gave his ass a toothbrush after one of our sleepovers. Yes, a toothbrush. Now, wasn’t nobody trying to lock him down, make him the next Mr. DidyoureallythinkIwasfinnatellyoumylastname. I just was trying to make sure that if he was going to be waking up next to me, breathing all in my face, that said breath was minty fresh. I mean, excuse me for not wanting your funky breath all up in my face in the morning.

Basically, some people just really need to chill the fuck out. Not everybody is trying to cuff you. Just cause they like it, doesn’t mean they’re trying to put a ring on it (I really don’t know what Beyonce was thinking about with them lyrics).

Now, there are some clear-cut signs of stalker-ism that do require the push back in full force, but that’s a blog for another day.

Be safe kids. And remember, hugs not drugs.