VICTORIAHASNOSECRET

It’s been a long time since I’ve fallen in love with somebody. And really, that’s only even happened once in my 26 years.  I like to blame it on my G-ness and that us natural born G’s just don’t fall in love, but love really just seems to elude me. What appears to come naturally to others, always is  such a chore to me. Maybe I’m too picky… or stubborn… or just plain love-challenged. Who knows.

But… I’m not complaining, because when love does come around and smack me in the face (figuratively speaking of course, cause Flip’ll come lay the smack down on any man who lays hands on me), then I’m sure it’ll be all that much more special. And to be quite honest… I’m looking forward to it.

So earlier today I posted the following on twitter:

@vickysecret Just cause someone treats you like a priority, doesn’t mean that you’re not quietly just an option. (my words of wisdom for the day)

Now, I was having dinner with a girlfriend the other day and we were talking about her now defunct relationship and how the guy was such a “great” boyfriend. Always surprising her with gifts, trips, paying her so much attention, etc, etc. So, she couldn’t understand when she found out that he had  cheated and had been cheating on her what had happened. I couldn’t help but tell her that he was probably doing all those “great” things to make up for all the bullshit that he was doing on the sly. Yeah, they were together for years, and I mean years, but she was still just an option to him. And he clearly was opting to go elsewhere from time to time. It’s sad, but apparently in this world we live in, this is how a lot of people are thinking. And, I’m not singling out the men, this is the women too.

It’s human nature to try and make up for any pain you may or might cause someone. Shoot, when I was younger, every time Flip would give me a stern talking to, I could pretty much guarentee that he was going to come back shortly with a present, or some ice cream, or some kinda joke to try and make up for it. Even though, I’m pretty sure whatever he was getting on me about was my fault. Like I said… human nature.

Now, I’m not trying to be a cynic, not at all… I’m definitely not saying that just because your boo surprises you with a present or is paying extra attention to you that they’re out they’re slutting it up behind your back. Cause that’s not always the case. There are definitely still a lot of good people out there.

You ever been in a relationship where your significant other was whoring around, and you could see all the signs, but you didn’t really want to admit it until you saw it with your own eyes?

Well… that feeling… the feeling of knowing, but not really knowing… I’ve lived with something similar to that for the last 15 years.

I never really knew my Grandpa. I think I have one picture of him and I together from when I was just a baby, but it never bothered me that I didn’t know him. I was used to being away from family seeing as I lived overseas until I was 18. He passed back in 1994 but it wasn’t until I was an adult that I started to learn a little more about him. He was a frivolous with his money, loved to drink, loved to smoke and apparently loved the ladies. And I knew all of this. But I didn’t really know until last night, when I got a call from my Dad. He shared some stories, forwarded me some emails and some pictures, and I was able to really get a feel for this man, my father’s father. And no, my Dad didn’t feel like just sharing some stories just for the heck of it, he was actually contacted by a woman claiming to be his sister. Turns out the claims are true, and he wanted me to know that I have another aunt…

Now, I don’t have any hate towards my Grandfather… not at all. I’m saddened at the situation because I don’t like the choices he made. I really don’t like that he disregarded my Grandmother’s feelings so much and left her with nothing when he died. He promised to make sure that she was taken care of, but because of the choices he made, she was left with nothing. No job, no education, no money. And because she was such a proud woman and didn’t want to burden  anyone, she felt the only thing she could do was take her life. Which she did. And I think that’s what hurts me the most. Actually I know that’s what hurt me the most.

I was only 11 when she passed, just a few months after my Grandfather did. And back then I remember being angry. Angry because she didn’t have to die, it was a choice she made. And I felt that she made it without thinking of how it would affect everyone else. And I was jealous.  I was jealous of my cousins for being able to spend so much time with her, time that I couldn’t spend with her because I lived in Germany. I eventually got over myself and just became sad, and I still get sad to this day whenever I think about her.

To be honest, I’m not even really sure what I’m trying to say here. I guess just trying to clear my head. But I’m glad that this all came to light, and glad that now I really know…

I don’t get it… I mean, I know it’s a joyous occasion (well, unless you’re like 12 or so) but do I really need to see the pissy ass stick you just got done urinating on for you to tell me your pregnant? Is it that you don’t think I’ll believe you unless you show me some kind of proof? I really just don’t get it.

Now that I think about it, this  doesn’t just pertain to the womens… a couple of months ago, my male cousin announced his wife’s pregnancy by emailing me a picture of the nasty ass pee stick. REALLY?

So please, ladies & gentlemen, stop that shit. It’s nasty.

I was talking to the homie earlier when I mentioned I needed to go to Walmart.

“For what? Draino?”

Now, he was joking, but you know what… that’s exactly what I was going to get. It really doesn’t make sense the amount of Draino I’ve used this past year having to constantly unclog my drain with all the hair that falls out of my head. Like, really? Why am I not bald. I mean, I’m not complaining. It just baffles me, because not to sound conceited, but I got me a pretty nice head of hair.

And really, I’m greatful, cause the comb-over didn’t work on my 7th grade history teacher, so I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t work on me either. Although, a few years ago, I did have the bright idea of shaving my head and buying beaucoup wigs so I wouldn’t have to worry about doing my hair anymore. Don’t worry, I didn’t follow through. The thought of waking up in the morning next to the boo and having him discover a bald chick didn’t quite appeal to me. I mean, come on Kanye, don’t you think Amber would look much better with some hair on her head.

Don’t ask me what the point of this entry was. I think lack of sleep has finally caught up with me.

I went to the doctor yesterday for what I thought was foot cancer¹ (yeah… I know, the doc looked at me kinda sideways too) but turned out to be an extremely infected spider bite which he decided he wanted to cut open – guess I shouldn’t have waited 2 weeks to go get it checked out.

My response:

“Ummm…. I would prefer if you didn’t slice my foot open, young, sexy, Venezuelan doctor², but do what you got to do.”

So, now I’m walking around with my foot bandaged up, unable to put on a decent pair of shoes & it is killing me. I’m sorry, but I am just not a sandal kinda girl. Still, I guess it’s better than having my whole foot fall off. That would really suck.

1. Not the first time I thought I had cancer. When I was about 15 I found a lump in my armpit… turns out it wasn’t armpit cancer, just a bad reaction to the Dove deodorant I was using. Oh, and those lumps I felt in my neck last year, not neck cancer. Just some swollen lymphnodes. I tend to get a lot of weird looks from doctors.

2. Okay, so the young, sexy, Venezuelan part I didn’t actually say out loud, but I should’ve.