VICTORIAHASNOSECRET

Now before I start, let me preface this by saying, that I, myself,  have been guilty of what I like to call the ‘push back’. You know, when the person you’ve been seeing starts getting a little too relationship-y, therefore causing you to push back and say “Hey, hold up, I ain’t ready for allathat” or in most cases, not saying anything at all and just acting distant like a sonofamother.

Yeah, you’ve done it too. Stop lying.

But let me tell you, some of y’all, be pushing back over the dumbest things. I once had a dude start acting funny cause I gave his ass a toothbrush after one of our sleepovers. Yes, a toothbrush. Now, wasn’t nobody trying to lock him down, make him the next Mr. DidyoureallythinkIwasfinnatellyoumylastname. I just was trying to make sure that if he was going to be waking up next to me, breathing all in my face, that said breath was minty fresh. I mean, excuse me for not wanting your funky breath all up in my face in the morning.

Basically, some people just really need to chill the fuck out. Not everybody is trying to cuff you. Just cause they like it, doesn’t mean they’re trying to put a ring on it (I really don’t know what Beyonce was thinking about with them lyrics).

Now, there are some clear-cut signs of stalker-ism that do require the push back in full force, but that’s a blog for another day.

Be safe kids. And remember, hugs not drugs.

It’s been a long time since I’ve fallen in love with somebody. And really, that’s only even happened once in my 26 years.  I like to blame it on my G-ness and that us natural born G’s just don’t fall in love, but love really just seems to elude me. What appears to come naturally to others, always is  such a chore to me. Maybe I’m too picky… or stubborn… or just plain love-challenged. Who knows.

But… I’m not complaining, because when love does come around and smack me in the face (figuratively speaking of course, cause Flip’ll come lay the smack down on any man who lays hands on me), then I’m sure it’ll be all that much more special. And to be quite honest… I’m looking forward to it.

You ever been in a relationship where your significant other was whoring around, and you could see all the signs, but you didn’t really want to admit it until you saw it with your own eyes?

Well… that feeling… the feeling of knowing, but not really knowing… I’ve lived with something similar to that for the last 15 years.

I never really knew my Grandpa. I think I have one picture of him and I together from when I was just a baby, but it never bothered me that I didn’t know him. I was used to being away from family seeing as I lived overseas until I was 18. He passed back in 1994 but it wasn’t until I was an adult that I started to learn a little more about him. He was a frivolous with his money, loved to drink, loved to smoke and apparently loved the ladies. And I knew all of this. But I didn’t really know until last night, when I got a call from my Dad. He shared some stories, forwarded me some emails and some pictures, and I was able to really get a feel for this man, my father’s father. And no, my Dad didn’t feel like just sharing some stories just for the heck of it, he was actually contacted by a woman claiming to be his sister. Turns out the claims are true, and he wanted me to know that I have another aunt…

Now, I don’t have any hate towards my Grandfather… not at all. I’m saddened at the situation because I don’t like the choices he made. I really don’t like that he disregarded my Grandmother’s feelings so much and left her with nothing when he died. He promised to make sure that she was taken care of, but because of the choices he made, she was left with nothing. No job, no education, no money. And because she was such a proud woman and didn’t want to burden  anyone, she felt the only thing she could do was take her life. Which she did. And I think that’s what hurts me the most. Actually I know that’s what hurt me the most.

I was only 11 when she passed, just a few months after my Grandfather did. And back then I remember being angry. Angry because she didn’t have to die, it was a choice she made. And I felt that she made it without thinking of how it would affect everyone else. And I was jealous.  I was jealous of my cousins for being able to spend so much time with her, time that I couldn’t spend with her because I lived in Germany. I eventually got over myself and just became sad, and I still get sad to this day whenever I think about her.

To be honest, I’m not even really sure what I’m trying to say here. I guess just trying to clear my head. But I’m glad that this all came to light, and glad that now I really know…

I went to the doctor yesterday for what I thought was foot cancer¹ (yeah… I know, the doc looked at me kinda sideways too) but turned out to be an extremely infected spider bite which he decided he wanted to cut open – guess I shouldn’t have waited 2 weeks to go get it checked out.

My response:

“Ummm…. I would prefer if you didn’t slice my foot open, young, sexy, Venezuelan doctor², but do what you got to do.”

So, now I’m walking around with my foot bandaged up, unable to put on a decent pair of shoes & it is killing me. I’m sorry, but I am just not a sandal kinda girl. Still, I guess it’s better than having my whole foot fall off. That would really suck.

1. Not the first time I thought I had cancer. When I was about 15 I found a lump in my armpit… turns out it wasn’t armpit cancer, just a bad reaction to the Dove deodorant I was using. Oh, and those lumps I felt in my neck last year, not neck cancer. Just some swollen lymphnodes. I tend to get a lot of weird looks from doctors.

2. Okay, so the young, sexy, Venezuelan part I didn’t actually say out loud, but I should’ve.

Taking a nice, hot, relaxing bath while reading my newest Jen Lancaster book…

The best.

Running out of hot water midway through my post bath shower while I still have conditioner in my hair…

Not so much.

Remembering that I have no towels to dry off with because they’re all in the dryer…

Can it get any worse?

Running buck naked and dripping wet through the house to the laundry room only to realize that I forgot to turn the dryer on…

Yep.

Yes people. This is my life.

Okay… so really, I haven’t been looking for a man. The lack of is just an observation that a blind person could make. But, I have been looking for a home. I mean… your girl got a good job (thankful for this everyday) and with as much as I’m paying in rent every month I may as well be paying a mortgage. A lot of people say this, but I really mean it. You do not want to see the check that I have to write every month.

Now, I have been looking HIGH and LOW for that perfect home. The one that just screams Victoria… but seeing as that hasn’t happened yet, and I’ve been looking since October, I’ve expanded my search to include homes that just say it very loudly. I mean, I watch a lot of HGTV, as long as it’s got the potential I can spruce it up a bit. Little paint, little love, you know.

But tell me why, the few places I have been interested in have been on the market for 9789 days with no interest and the minute I decide to put in an offer everyone else wants to too. I swear, it’s just like people… nobody wants you till someone else does. So, with that being said, I’m still without that perfect place. My lease is up on March 9, so if I don’t find somewhere soon, you just may see me & Tyson chillin in midtown with the rest of the homeless folks cause I refuse to sign another lease or go month by month.

Pray for me good people.