I live a great life. I really do. Good job, great friends, roof over my head (that I own), food in my belly. Pug only has one eye, but hey, he’s happy too. But lately I’ve been thinking about lifestyle changes I can implement to make myself just that much happier. You can always improve on greatness, right? So, in an attempt to keep myself on track, I’m going to share with you the 4 goals I have to improve on this already awesome life I’m living.

1. Exercise regularly. – Now, I’m not a fan of any form of excercise. At all. I think it’s stupid and I don’t like doing it. But, I do go through my random couple of days a year where I get motivated, buy myself a new workout outfit and hit the machines. Usually only after I’ve watched a couple of episodes of the Biggest Loser and start thinking “if they can do it, shit, so can I.” It never lasts long. But lately I’ve been trying to at the least (and currently,  at the most) go running a few times a week. I haven’t been the most disciplined but I’m working on it. PLUS, I just so happened to FaceTime my Ma earlier today only for her to tell me in one swift breath that my face looks round like a balloon, I’m getting fat and how much do I weigh? Gee thanks, Ma. If that ain’t some motivation for that ass, than I don’t know what is. SN: I actually just jumped on the Wii fit to see how much I weigh (I don’t keep a scale in my house, never have) and I actually don’t weigh as much as I thought. Whew!
2. Eat (& drink) healthier. – This is a toughie for me. Mainly because I don’t cook and well, Taco Bell just taste sooo good. But now that I’m knocking on 30′s door, I know it’s really important for me to be more conscious of the things that I put in my body. It probably isn’t a good idea for me to be eating Snickers Peanut Butters and Chips & Salsa for breakfast, lunch and dinner anymore. That may or may not be an exaggeration. 
3. Reduce my alcohol intake. – This actually has been surprisingly easy and I actually started reducing the amount of alcohol I consume before I made the conscious decision to do it. I think at this point it’s been about 3 weeks since I last indulged in some libations and it hasn’t been a big deal at all. My reasons for making this decision are threefold. Being in that it’ll help with #2 above and #4 below. Then there’s the whole not wanting to be “that girl” factor. You know “that girl”, the one who’s stumbling around the club, red-faced, talking loud. That girl.
4. Save more money. – This may be one of my biggest problems in life. Saving money. Two Chainz probably said it best – “It’s mine. I spend it.” I think I always had this vision growing up that I would graduate college, make beaucoup dollars and money would never be an issue. I really wish Present Me could go back in time and tell Past Me that she’s a freakin’ idiot. I actually do make decent money but after bills, unexpected expenses (on top of unexpected expenses, on top of unexpected expenses), spending money, birthday gifts, baby shower gifts, whatever! – money can definitely become an issue. Thank goodness for 401K’s. My future thanks you. 

It’s been a long time since I’ve fallen in love with somebody. And really, that’s only even happened once in my 26 years.  I like to blame it on my G-ness and that us natural born G’s just don’t fall in love, but love really just seems to elude me. What appears to come naturally to others, always is  such a chore to me. Maybe I’m too picky… or stubborn… or just plain love-challenged. Who knows.

But… I’m not complaining, because when love does come around and smack me in the face (figuratively speaking of course, cause Flip’ll come lay the smack down on any man who lays hands on me), then I’m sure it’ll be all that much more special. And to be quite honest… I’m looking forward to it.

You ever been in a relationship where your significant other was whoring around, and you could see all the signs, but you didn’t really want to admit it until you saw it with your own eyes?

Well… that feeling… the feeling of knowing, but not really knowing… I’ve lived with something similar to that for the last 15 years.

I never really knew my Grandpa. I think I have one picture of him and I together from when I was just a baby, but it never bothered me that I didn’t know him. I was used to being away from family seeing as I lived overseas until I was 18. He passed back in 1994 but it wasn’t until I was an adult that I started to learn a little more about him. He was a frivolous with his money, loved to drink, loved to smoke and apparently loved the ladies. And I knew all of this. But I didn’t really know until last night, when I got a call from my Dad. He shared some stories, forwarded me some emails and some pictures, and I was able to really get a feel for this man, my father’s father. And no, my Dad didn’t feel like just sharing some stories just for the heck of it, he was actually contacted by a woman claiming to be his sister. Turns out the claims are true, and he wanted me to know that I have another aunt…

Now, I don’t have any hate towards my Grandfather… not at all. I’m saddened at the situation because I don’t like the choices he made. I really don’t like that he disregarded my Grandmother’s feelings so much and left her with nothing when he died. He promised to make sure that she was taken care of, but because of the choices he made, she was left with nothing. No job, no education, no money. And because she was such a proud woman and didn’t want to burden  anyone, she felt the only thing she could do was take her life. Which she did. And I think that’s what hurts me the most. Actually I know that’s what hurt me the most.

I was only 11 when she passed, just a few months after my Grandfather did. And back then I remember being angry. Angry because she didn’t have to die, it was a choice she made. And I felt that she made it without thinking of how it would affect everyone else. And I was jealous.  I was jealous of my cousins for being able to spend so much time with her, time that I couldn’t spend with her because I lived in Germany. I eventually got over myself and just became sad, and I still get sad to this day whenever I think about her.

To be honest, I’m not even really sure what I’m trying to say here. I guess just trying to clear my head. But I’m glad that this all came to light, and glad that now I really know…